A study in the Archives of Internal Medicine (26 September 2011) reports that women who drink four or more mugs of caffeinated coffee a day have a 20% less risk of getting depression. Caffeine releases ‘dopamine’, the brain’s ‘happy hormone’.

This doesn’t mean that you should start using coffee as a kind of medication to overcome depression! What it does mean is that you really don’t need to get on a guilt trip for drinking coffee. Coffee does have quite a lot of bad press, but maybe if you’re overcoming depression, don’t add this to one of your ‘have-to-give-up’ lists. It can wait!

Years ago a friend of mine suffered from panic attacks every single morning while she was making school sandwiches for the kids. What an awful way to start the day! ‘Amy, do start your day with a nice strong cup of coffee?’ I asked. ‘Of course’, she replied. Bingo! I remembered reading a while back how coffee, drunk first thing in the morning, on an empty stomach can trigger panic attacks. Once she stopped this early morning adrenalin fix, the panic attacks stopped. What a simple solution!

Caffeine does have a short-term mood lift, and it also gives energy. That’s why it’s so often used as a stimulant when one has to stay awake.How many of us haven’t used coffee to stay up late at night to study! On the other hand, if you want a good night’s sleep, don’t think about drinking anything containing caffeine just before going to bed. Caffeine can cause sleep disturbances. If I have too many cups of coffee, after enjoying myself at a dinner party, I usually wake up at about 3 am feeling ‘tingly’ all over!

Coffee can cause a raised heart rate because of the caffeine, but the good news is that you won’t die from drinking coffee! There have been no reported cases of death from overdosing on coffee – you’d actually need to very quickly drink over 80 cups of coffee to do that.

Everything in moderation is probably sound advice!

Driving your car!

You might wonder what on earth driving your car has got to do with overcoming depression. To learn to drive a car, you probably went for driving lessons. You thought hard about taking out the clutch and putting your foot on the accelerator, so you didn’t stall or grate the gears!  And if you did you just had to practice a bit harder.

And most importantly you keep to the correct side of the road!

Driving your Life!

When we were growing up the people around us taught us how to ‘drive’, or live our livese, what to do to get on well in life. At that stage we had no idea if we were being taught well or badly! If our parents said something was right, it MUST be right! To children parents are ‘god-like’! Now some of our ‘life-skill’ instructors (otherwise known as parents) weren’t that smart because they also had been taught badly when they were growing up.

So now in adulthood we drive ‘our lives’ off the main highway and onto the dirt tracks, falling into potholes along the way. We’re bad drivers. This really means that it’s time for some self-examination, seeing which our beliefs about how we relate to this world are really true. If untrue they need to be chucked out!

Think of some of the criticisms you received as a child that emotionally handicapped you. Thoughts might be something like, ‘nice children don’t get angry’, ‘big boys don’t cry’, ‘children are to be seen and not heard’. Throw these thoughts away, they’ll take you into the potholes!

Some people say, ‘well, that’s just the way I am, can’t do anything about it, it’s too difficult to change’. Yes, it’s true, change is difficult. But if you moved to a country where you had to drive on the other side of the road, you would learn very quickly! Why? Because you value your life and really don’t want to crash.

Same applies with our lives, try listening to your inner thoughts. See if the engine is healthy and if not, start fixing it up! Overcoming depression? Check up on your driving!

Lovely chatting to you! Be sure to look out for more info. next week!

We need to believe it when the Word says that all our needs are met in Christ, which can be very difficult. To believe in your security and significance in Christ, that is, that your needs are met in him, will enable you to deal with insecurities in your everyday life. You might feel insecure in your marriage but will be able to cope if you believe in your security in Christ.

A few tips.

Look at the cognitive distortions taking place.

Learn to listen to what you are thinking – become an observer. Examine your heart.

• LISTEN We really need to try to listen to each other, not just to the words that are said, but to the underlying needs .Try to meet their needs and accept them as they are
• EMPATHY Try to put a word to the feeling behind the behaviour that is being expressed. (My boyfriend dropped me – feelings of rejection). Easy to talk about behaviour, not the emotion. When the emotion is heard we feel deeply heard. Don’t tell people not to feel in a certain way. Feelings are neither good nor bad, they just are and can be acknowledged. Don’t get angry etc.
• Avoid the FIX IT URGE by giving a solution whenever your spouse expresses negative emotions. SHOULD STATEMENTS If this rings a bell with you, you are in fact telling your spouse that negative emotions are not acceptable, and you know far better how they should run their lives. If you can resist the fix?it urge you will be giving your spouse a far more accepting message., By not telling them how they should be thinking or feeling, you show them total acceptance. This will help them to move onto greater self?acceptance. ?Should’ statements are a no?no as they lead to anger and resentment. Be careful of giving unsolicited advice. If you are unsure of what your spouse wants, ask if they want advice or just want to be heard.
• CONTROLLING BEHAVIOUR Try not to control your spouse. It is difficult for insecure people to trust themselves to the will of another. Because of lack of self?assurance, they must protect themselves, by seeking to control the behaviour of those who could hurt them. Since marriage is a trusting relationship, this is the place where the problems erupt most readily. Attempts to control others are a frequent compensation for lack of trust resulting from a lack of love.

Practice I FEEL…. WHEN YOU…. No blaming. We need to practice being open about our needs . Many people have been taught to suppress these. Don’t expect other people to mind read your needs.

1n Larry Crabb’s book, the Marriage builder, he says that we are only really able to meet our partner’s needs when we have the deep inner belief that we are dearly loved by God, and are secure in his love and the inner satisfaction of knowing that we are doing the work that God called us to do on this earth .I’m sure that one of our tasks is to be used as a vessel for the love of God to flow to our partner.

You have a choice to either manipulate your spouse, or minister to your spouse.

To manipulate your spouse is to have your own needs uppermost, the self comes first and your behaviour is aimed towards having your own needs met. By doing this you are trying to control the other person, which we have no right to do, it means that we are not accepting them as they are, we want to change them into somebody who will suit our needs better.

On the other hand we have got the choice to minister to our spouse. We are in the unique position of being the only one able to minister to our spouse in a marriage relationship. We do this by accepting them as they are and looking out for and trying to meet their needs. Look at the needs behind the behaviour. The Word says that we are to think of others more highly than ourselves. This refers to needs; we are to look out for each other’s needs. A complaint that a husband spends too much time at work could actually indicate a wife’s insecurity. If we just look at the behaviour and just respond to the words the response could be ‘ you should know I have no choice the boss is putting pressure on me. If the message behind the words is responded to, the needs will be met. Maybe a wife’s anger with her husband for being late has not got so much to do with his being late, but maybe with a childhood fear of abandonment. Surely this understanding will stop a heated battle from happening. Even if you partner has behaviour that bugs you, try to see what needs the person is trying to get met. It is usually not just to irritate you; it might just be a peculiar way of trying to get a need met. Also the stronger the emotion, the greater the need so don’t criticize the emotion by shouting back ‘don’t be so emotional!’

How do you get your needs met? Does sulking, or the silent treatment sound familiar? Or being manipulative, being devious, anger. Or do you honestly express your needs and allow your partner the choice to meet your needs. Try keeping to ‘I feel’ statements as you are then owning your feelings rather than blaming your spouse. I feel unloved when you come home late. Rather than you don’t love me or else you you’d come home at 5. The first gives the partner the choice of meeting your need. The second is blaming.

Let’s think about what the word ‘baggage’ means to us. I’m sure you’re all familiar with the regrets of packing too much luggage for your holiday and feeling weighed down by your luggage. Next time you’re going to pack light, but when the next time comes you pack all that unnecessary stuff again. Sound familiar. Does your luggage control you or are you in control, packing what you need?

The same story seems to apply to our emotional lives. Does your emotional baggage control your life or have you discarded what you don’t need? And are you carrying lots of baggage into your marriage, expecting your partner to carry a large share of it?

It’s time to travel light! A good tip for carrying light is to ask yourself a question every time you feel your partner says something that hurts you. Did she/he mean to hurt you? Was the intention to hurt? If the answer is no, let it pass!

Become aware of your thought life.

Proverbs 4:23 (Phillips version) says: “Be careful what you think, because your thoughts run your life”. We don”t really have control over the thoughts that pop into our heads but we do have control over what we do with the thoughts, which ones we allow to run our lives.

Our thoughts do not line up with God”s thoughts.

In Isaiah 55:8&9 The Lord declares, “my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways, as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts”. Maybe our thoughts don”t always line up with the truth.

Do we believe lies to be the truth?

Jeremiah 17:9 says “the heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?” When we are deceived we believe a lie to be the truth. The heart is often referred to in the Bible as the seat of the emotions. God is saying to us `don”t presume what you are thinking is the truth, I am the truth, check it out with Me.’

What can we do to line our thoughts up with those of God?

2 Corinthians 10:5 says “we are to take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.”

How do we make our thoughts obedient to Christ?

We have to know the Word of God. Hebrews 4:12 says “For the Word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.” Ask the Holy Spirit to help you judge your thoughts and attitudes.

I read a wonderful illustration of this Scripture in a book by Max Lucado. I think the book was called “Just like Jesus”. When a negative thought comes into your head, handcuff the thought and march it down to the Courthouse and present the thought at the judgment seat of Christ. Now imagine saying to Jesus “this thought tells me that I am worthless and unlovable to Jesus, what do you think?” Jesus will tell you to give that thought marching orders, it does not line up with what Scripture says and it is a lie that comes from the enemy camp.

How do you know if your thoughts are becoming more Christ-like?

John 8:32 says “if you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”

What does this freedom feel like?

In John 14:27 Jesus says “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” When I am examining my thoughts, I use the degree of peace I have as a gauge as to the truth of my thoughts. If a particular thought gives me peace, I settle for that one.

Battleground of the Mind

As Christians we know our final destiny, we are on our way to heaven if we have accepted Jesus as our Lord and Saviour. So Satan has no hold over where we spend our eternity but he does want us to be ineffective here on earth. We are the hands and feet of Jesus on this earth and if he can make us ineffective in this role he is happy. Satan cannot read our minds but he knows our weaknesses and will subtly drop thoughts that are lies into our minds that we believe to be the truth. We would not believe blatant lies, but they are subtle and we believe them and act on them.

Ephesians 6:12 says “Our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realm.”

There is a spiritual battle on the go. Acknowledge that Satan, who is the Father of all lies, wants you to believe that you are worthless. He drops in these thoughts of you being worthless etc. These thoughts do not come from our loving heavenly Father. Satan gains power when you believe the lie of being worthless, as you will act accordingly.

Peter 5:8 says “Be self-controlled, and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith.”
A lion always targets the weak in a herd because the weak are easy prey. Likewise Satan knows our weaknesses and he is looking for easy prey. “Stand firm in the faith”. “ Keep connected to other Christians, studying the Word so that you learn the truth.

2 Corinthians 10:3 “For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.”

Our weapons are the Word of God and this is why it is so important to know the Word of God and to know Scripture as this contains the Truth. Holding your own thoughts in higher regard to that of God is “a pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God” and is a sin.

Romans 12:2 says “do not be conformed any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.”

In other words replace the thinking that the world has given you to what scripture says. You renew your mind with scripture, with what God says. If what you believe does not line up with the Word of God you are believing a lie and the only way of knowing what lines up with the Word is studying what it says in the Word. When you believe that you are unlovable just remember whose description of yourself you believe. It is a lie and does not come from our heavenly Father. You won”t find that kind of description of yourself in the Bible. When someone doesn”t like you brush it off with the knowledge of how important you are to God and how deeply he loves you.

I can’t emphasize enough how important it is to believe Scripture and fill your mind with Scripture as it is with the Word of God that you ward off the enemy”s darts. Write out scripture verses and stick them around your house until they become part of your thinking. If you are bombarded with negative thoughts, get yourself an iPod and listen to upbeat choruses that contain the Word of God. It”s often better to hear these than some of your own thoughts!

God wants you to have the freedom that He can give and He can use all situations for our good. In Luke 22:31 Jesus said to Peter “Simon Simon, Satan has asked to sift you like wheat. But I have prayed for you that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers.”

This verse had personal significance for me because I knew that if my loving Heavenly Father was allowing me to go through this process of being sifted, it must be for the purpose of having something better in the end“ He did. When I had “turned back” I did “strengthen my brothers” through “overcoming depression” groups that I ran. We are often able to help others through what we have learnt in our own difficult times.

Also, always remember how much God loves you. You are in the palm of His hand. Isaiah 43:1-3 reads “Fear not, for I have redeemed you, I have summoned you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you. And when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Saviour. You are precious and honoured in my sight.”

I find it quite awesome that the creator of the universe cares for each one of us, cares for all the details of our loves and that He knows you and me by name.

May God bless you and the Holy Spirit, the Spirit of Truth be your guide on your journey!

My name is Karin Stewart and I am a social worker in private practice. My particular interest has been helping people with overcoming depression. This website is called Overcoming Depression because of the skills you can use to keep yourself out of depression.

My interest started when I had a depression breakdown in 1996 and felt that this was the very worst experience I’d been through. I want to share skills and knowledge with you that helped me as well as many others that I have shared these with. Use the information on this site in addition to the medical and psychological treatment you are receiving.

By all means dip into titles on this site that interest you but I would recommend starting from the beginning and working through the information. The section on Psychological Aspects, in particular, needs to be read from the beginning. Concepts in the later sections depend on an understanding of explanations given in the beginning sections.